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Monty Python - an untrue history


Monty Python's reign of terror began in 1166, when William the Conker invaded Baldock, England.

Conker quickly laid waste to much of Bulgaria, planting horse chestnut trees here, there, and everywhere. Conker had a pet python called Monty. But Monty was too compassionate for Conker's liking, so ended up in the Crusades in 1756, where he was used as a portable bridge. One day, Monty caught sight of Mathilda Python, deserted his post, and 100,000 souls drowned (Monty was quite big). Python was court-martialled, but, luckily, six bakers took pity on him and adopted him.

The bakers decided to name their pub, Monty le Python, but the 'le' was soon dropped for reasons of etiquette. The bakers were nasty bastards, in truth, and they all wanted to have Monty to themselves. Thus, they would have contests whereby the man who punched the most holes in the most doughnuts, without using his hands, would win Python. The girls loved all this, and all six bakers were soon wed, but as they all scored 1,603 the ownership of Monty was still to be settled.

Thus, they formed a wrestling troupe called Monty Python, and they consisted of the six men who were to be immortal: John 'Cleaver' Cleese, Graham 'Chopper' Chapman, Eric 'Innocent' Idle, Terry 'Garotter' Gilliam, Michael 'Poker' Palin, and Terry 'Jabber' Jones.

They were to fight to the death. The winner gaining Monty. On the road to their first venue at Scrotum Grab - a treacherous 362 mile walk in camel slurry - the group kept their spirits up telling jokes, and performing sketches, including those which were to be famous evermore: 'The Dead Parsnip Sketch', 'Upper Class Twig In The Rear', and 'The Ministry of Sunny Forts'.

They didn't fancy wrestling anymore, went home, wrote a history of Belgium before bedtime, and were signed up in 1869 by the Bermuda Broadcasting Company, and then they made some films. Monty became their manager.

- Paul Rance/

Mr. Rance began his career as a writer some time ago, and wrote novels such as 'David Copperfield' and '1984'. He then became a successful singer with The Beatles, played football (soccer to you Americans), cricket, rugby, and water polo for England. He was the first man on Mars in 1934.

How The Montys Took Over Surbiton - Monty Python's Early Years

'Monty Python' were/are The Beatles of comedy. They may have not written 'Strawberry Fields Forever', but they were almost as influential in the field of comedy as The Beatles were in the field of music. I say almost, as The Beatles were on a different plane to everyone else.

The 1960s was probably the most creative decade in Britain in the 20th Century. Young British guys and gals were breaking free of post WWII austerity, and British music, film, and fashion flourished particularly, and England even won the soccer World Cup. Comedy also had its bright new performers and writers, beginning in the '60s with the 'Beyond The Fringe' team of Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Alan Bennett, and Jonathan Miller.

Cambridge and Oxford University had a raft of young talent coming hot on the heels of the Fringe quartet, including Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor, and Graeme Garden, who were to be later known as The Goodies. Also in this melting pot of talent were John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, and Terry Jones.

Cleese had been a member of the Cambridge Footlights, and was the first to break into television, when appearing on 'The Frost Report', his most notable sketch being the class "I know my place" sketch with Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett. There were three TV shows beginning in 1967, which all starred future Pythons. John Cleese and Graham Chapman wrote and starred in 'At Last The 1948 Show', for which Eric Idle also wrote for. Michael Palin and Terry Jones were cast members and wrote for 'Twice A Fortnight', and Palin and Jones were joined by Idle (and David Jason) as cast members of 'Do Not Adjust Your Set'. The three future Pythons were also writers on the show. Terry Gilliam began his animation career on this series, which ran till 1969. The Terry Jones and Michael Palin creation, from 1969, 'The Complete and Utter History of Britain (1969)' is often cited as the direct descendant and inspiration for 'Monty Python', with a cast of John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, Graham Chapman, and Terry Jones, with the very unique animations of Terry Gilliam.

- Paul Rance/

Monty Python's Flying Circus
Monty Python's Flying Circus Magnet
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Monty Python DVDs available from - in association with

'Monty Python - The Movies (6 Disc DVD Box Set)' Monty Python - The Movies (6 Disc Box Set) [1971] ~ Graham Chapman, John Cleese
'Monty Python's Flying Circus - Series 1-4 On DVD' Monty Python's Flying Circus - Series 1-4 - Complete [1969] ~ Graham Chapman, John Cleese

The Final Rip Off
Lumberjack Song, and plenty more Python songs and sketches to download here

Monty Python Books available from - in association with

'Monty Python's Flying Circus (BBC Radio Collection)' Monty Python's Flying Circus (BBC Radio Collection) ~ Graham Chapman
0413776158 The Very Best of Monty Python: The essential gags, sketches and songs, individually selected and introduced by the Python team ~ Monty Python

Monty Python DVDs available from - in association with

The Complete Monty Python's Flying Circus Megaset
The Complete Monty Python's Flying Circus Megaset with Bonus Monty Python Live

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