AGENT 2007: DOWN (WITH) THE CLAY BADGER SET
By Cardinal Cox

Write Dope on Pnuk part 46

Stamford, quiet market town that comes alive for the summer Riverside Festival. Stamford, backdrop for the TV adaptation of costume drama 'Middlemarch', Stamford, gripped with fear of pranksters the Clay Badgers.

First, at one Riverside Festival a small child was selling rough ornaments in the shape of badgers made from clay. Then came signs around the town "Coming soon, Clay Badger shop". Oh good, thought the well-heeled with time to kill and money to spend, ornaments and nick-naks.

Then, a petrol station closed and soon a banner was strung across it, "Coming soon, Clay Badger's Petrol".

Next, on an empty shop, "Coming soon, Clay Badger super pub. Open 10am to 2am". Oh no, thought the well-heeled with time to kill and money to spend, we don't want a pub here, in this street, with its noise and drunkenness. So letters were written to the press. In the meantime, the down-at-heel with time to kill and no money to spend besieged the job centre to try and get the gainful.

Many letters were sent to the press.

The "Welcome to Stamford" sign became "Welcome to Clay Badger Land". When a video shop closed, soon there was another banner, this one promising, "Coming soon, Clay Badger Adult Videos XXX". More letters were sent to the press. One, from the frontman of local good-time punk band March To The Grave, swore that the Clay Badgers were nothing to do with the vast majority of members of his band. Hooded tops appeared with Clay Badgers printed upon them.

A banner was strung across the main square wishing all a Merry Christmas from the Clay Badgers.

The well-heeled wish that they had less time to worry about such things, and cast a glance over their shoulders.

The Invincible Army salutes the Clay Badgers and applauds the jape.

© All work copyright of Cardinal Cox.